Eat Cheese Or Die – Post #3

Tribulation – The First Page – demo cassette – 1987

The Gods of  Heavy Metal have smiled upon us all today.

From deep within the deepest Vaults of Rock, a hidden gem has finally been unearthed.  After nearly a quarter century hidden away, the world is only now ready to hear the Power and the Might of  Tribulation.  Behold! Your puny being shall be crushed beneath the awesome Power (and might) which is barely contained within the pitiful plastic case of this demo tape.  The amazing awesomeness and awesome amazingness held herein is so … amazingly …. awesome, that… ahh…. well it’s really not that awesome, actually.  In fact, this is by far some of the most terrible shit I’ve ever heard!

When I saw this tape, at a used book store of all places, my heart rate increased and my palms got all sweaty. I quickly grabbed it and added it to my pile of treasures while glancing around to be sure no one else was coveting my prize.  I knew this shit had to be good.

And I was right!  This is totally inept cheeseball Metal that is somehow still so completely awesome that I can listen to it over and over again! Really, I can listen to it like three times in a row!  The band is generally sloppy as hell, though at times they do pull it together pretty well.  The guitar solos are all completely terrible, but the drumming is right on at least 85% of the time.  In addition to some really questionable post production decisions, such as the hilarious fake pauses in ‘Taking Command’, Tribulation  play several of my favorite cliche metal riffs on this demo.  They also seem to have something of a Christian theme going on in the horrible  lyrics, which is pretty funny.   But the best part about this tape, the part that could someday make this tape infamous the world round, are the vocals. Oh! The VOCALS!  I still laugh out loud every time I hear the singer belt out ” Thee Ay-thee-uuhst!” in ‘The Atheist’.  The vocals are fucking hilarious.  And don’t forget the song ‘Fat Chicks’, a crowd favorite, I’m sure, where we learn that  “It’s always an Orgy with a Fat Chick” and that “We need Fat Chicks to Survive!”  God I love this tape.

Okay, now this is even funnier.  I was wondering what ever happened to these True Warriors of Wisconsin Metal, so I just did a little sleuthing… and I almost fell out of my chair with mirth upon realizing that the drummer from Tribulation now plays with Milwaukee’s very own über hipster, gaze upon thy shoes, gag-me-with-a-post rock band Collections of Colonies of Bees (or CoCoBees, as the true ‘ipsters call ’em)! Ha! I’m so going to one of their shows just to scream out “FAT CHICKS!!!!!” at every sensitive, sit-down-and-sway moment. YAY!  I love being an Asshole. 

Actually though, this guy is apparently a solo percussionist now, which is actually pretty cool, and his ambient/noise/jazz music is interesting.  Go figure! In fact, a few days ago, I was at a dour hipster bar and picked up a flier advertising a series of jazz concerts at another bar in my neighbourhood.  I remember being perplexed by the fact that so many of the performers listed on the flier had funny sounding Scandinavian names.  I thought to myself : “Am I totally unaware of an underground Swedish Jazz scene right here in Milwaukee, Wisconsin?” Well, it turns out that the drummer from Tribulation is setting up these shows with his touring European jazz musician friends!  I know you are probably bored to hell by all of this, but I am terribly amused by this shit.  I’m going to see ’em and have him sign my tape! hahahahahahahahaa

For High Quality MP3 files containing the music from this tape, as well as complete cover scans, etc., please click the link below: